Jump to content
Forum | Bia2.com
Sign in to follow this  
Kimo

From American Courts

Recommended Posts

These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down by court reporters (stenos) and published in a book called "Disorder in The American Courts"

 

________________________________

 

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS: July 18th.

 

ATTORNEY: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.

 

_____________________________________

 

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

 

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

 

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

 

_____________________________________

 

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

 

ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

WITNESS: Forty-five years.

 

_____________________________________

 

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

 

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: Because my name is Susan.

 

______________________________________

 

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

 

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

 

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

 

______________________________________

 

ATTORNEY: Doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

 

____________________________________

 

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.

 

________________________________________

 

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Would you mind repeating the question?

 

______________________________________

 

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

 

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

 

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

 

______________________________________

 

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

 

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

 

______________________________________

 

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

 

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

 

______________________________________

 

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

 

______________________________________

 

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

 

______________________________________

 

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.

 

______________________________________

 

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

 

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

 

____________________________________________

 

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

 

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

 

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

 

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

 

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

 

ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That's hilarious! Some of them I could understand are said to be politically correct and of course for accuracy but some of them are silly. I think it's dyslexia lol.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×