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From American Courts

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These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down by court reporters (stenos) and published in a book called "Disorder in The American Courts"




ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS: July 18th.


ATTORNEY: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.




ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?



ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.


ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?




ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.


ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

WITNESS: Forty-five years.




ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"


ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: Because my name is Susan.




ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.






WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.




ATTORNEY: Doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?




ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.




ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Would you mind repeating the question?




ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?



ATTORNEY: How many were boys?



ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?




ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.


ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?




ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.


ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?




ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.




ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.




ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?





ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.


ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!




ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?



ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?



ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?



ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?



ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.


ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law...

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That's hilarious! Some of them I could understand are said to be politically correct and of course for accuracy but some of them are silly. I think it's dyslexia lol.

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