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HELP DESK

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Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?

Customer: A white one...

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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.

Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?

Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck.

Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ...

Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry ....

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Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?

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Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?

Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...

Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates damn it!

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(THIS ONE KILLS ME!)

Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

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Customer: I have problems printing in red...

Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?

Customer: No.

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Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.

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Helpdesk: And now hit F8.

Customer: It's not working.

Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?

Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening...

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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.

Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: OK

Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes

Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?

Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!

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Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

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A customer couldn't get on the internet.

Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five stars.

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Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?

Customer: Netscape.

Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!

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Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?

Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?

Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?

Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?

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Helpdesk: How may I help you?

Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it?

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man... that post brought back so many memories...

 

i've been working at bigpond technical support for quite a while now... and getting calls from stupid illiterate old grandmas and grandpas happens on a very frequent basis...

 

you would be suprised how many times i'd bang my head on the desk only for them to say "hey what was that" n i'd say "sorry about that".

 

i'll tell u a few TRUE stories... as god as my witness:

 

Me: "welcome to bigpond can i help you?"

customer: "my internet isn't working"

me: "ok can u click on start on the bottom left please"

customer: BEEEEP

me: "what was that?"

customer: "you told me to press star... on the bottom left... so i did"

me: ABSOLUTELY PISSING MYSELF

 

 

and again

 

 

me: "welcome to bigpond can i help you?"

customer: "oh ummm my internet wont work"

me: "can u explain to me what happens when you try and connect?"

customer: "well nothing happens AT ALL"

me: "what do u see on ur monitor?"

customer: nothing... its blank

me: "can u make sure the computer is on and make sure ur monitor is on too"

customer: "yeah the computer is on the green light is on, on the box"

me: *realised he was a ning nong* "when was the last time ur computer was working"

customer: "about 2 min ago... i watered the plants... and then suddenly the computer stopped working"

me: *thinks*.... "where are the plants?"

customer: above the monitor

me: *SMACKS HIS HEAD ON THE DESK*

customer: "what was that?"

me: "sorry about that... now can u just be carefull and make sure there's no water thats seeped into the monitor for me? make sure u dont touch any part of it so u dont electricute urself, actually just unplug the monitor from the power point just to be safe"

customer: "this is too confusing... i'm just gonnna wait for my son to come home"

me: *gets aggrivated* "ok just explain to your son what i've said and make sure he's carefull"

 

this grandma had short-circuited the monitor... now i dont know how she'd done that and not blown the main fuse at the mains... or maybe she had but didn't realise.

 

hopefully now you realise how good your job is...

 

unless ur a help desk operator too...

 

thank god for me i got promoted to team leader and i'm off the phones now...

but now i have to take supervisor calls and thats from stupid and aggrivated people that want to prove the point even though they're wrong.... GOD HELP ME...

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THE BEST CALL that a helpdesk operator can hope for is:

 

helpdesk: welcome to...

customer: sorry its working now... thanks

helpdesk: anytime...

customer: hangs up

 

had three of these today

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